Comments on: Friday 5+1 (5 Things I Love + 1 Thing I Don’t) – 12.21.18

By: Jenny

Jenny — Thu, 27 Dec 2018 20:36:39 +0000

In reply to Barbara. Barbara, you're the second person to recommend this book to me! I'm going to have to pick it up!

By: Jenny

Jenny — Thu, 27 Dec 2018 20:36:15 +0000

In reply to Karen. Thanks so much for your kind words Karen. I too, remember those years very well! I was the new kid in sixth grade, and it was probably my most AWKWARD year, EVER. When bullies saw me, they probably thought I was for the picking! Terrible. Hindsight, I can see that those bullies had a lot more going on in their home life that probably lead them to act the way that they did, but I certainly couldn't appreciate it at the time.

By: Jenny

Jenny — Thu, 27 Dec 2018 20:34:21 +0000

In reply to laurie z. Thanks so much for sharing your experience Laurie. Girls just make no sense to me, across the board sometimes. Sadly, this is part of growing up, but it just seems like it's gotten worse rather than better. And I agree with you on the corporate America thing too. Many times I would much rather work with men than women in the corporate world. COMPLETELY agree with you on the backstabbing nonsense that goes on there. Just an adult version of some of the stuff girls deal with in school.

By: Jan

Jan — Wed, 26 Dec 2018 15:00:56 +0000

My daughter Ashley wasn’t bullied but she did have a situation in 7th grade where her best friend started hanging out with another friend of my daughters, excluding my daughter. Some very ugly things were said via text. In 12th grade Ashley’s best school friend became jealous of my daughters friend who moved back from another country. During the fall of her Senior year in high school the friend was nice to her face but essentially excluded her from any get togethers and sleepovers, football games. Cut to today, she is a Sophmore in college and has become friends again with the girl from 7th grade who attends the same university.

Things I learned from this as a Mom: give your daughter the confidence and support to get through it on her own. My daughter joined a second soccer team and also started working so come up with creative, fun ways to keep her busy and new friends will come along. Try to not bad mouth the other girl and do not come to your daughters rescue. The end result is that my daughter has amazing resilience. Bad things still come her way and she still gets down about it but she picks herself right up and keeps moving on.

By: Nancy

Nancy — Sun, 23 Dec 2018 20:55:08 +0000

No real life advice, but from I have read, it is important for your daughter to increase her friend group to give her options. Think church, music, or sports groups or wherever she has an interest. School guidance counselors also have experience with this. Good luck.

By: Lisa Chaney

Lisa Chaney — Sun, 23 Dec 2018 04:41:41 +0000

I’m the mother of two girls who are now 21 and 23. The middle school years can be miserable for girls. We even watched the mean girl drama continue into high school with one of our daughters. You usually have one Queen Bee that seems to have the power and control because nobody stands up to her. That being said, talk to your daughter, keep communication open and try to help her understand that this will pass (even though she will not be convinced at the time). The upside? It will pass and she will move on and be fine. The downside? She’s learning at a young age just how mean people can be. If she’s in 7th grade, encourage her to get involved with activities that will open her to making other friends. My girls played sports year round (school and club) which gave them great opportunities for making friends outside their typical group. Tell her to hang in there. And just mom to mom, we never had problems terminating our daughters friendships if they were hurtful and unhealthy. They hated us at the time but amazingly have acknowledged that it was the best thing.

By: laurie z

laurie z — Sat, 22 Dec 2018 15:57:56 +0000

I am so sad for Kate. My daughter was bullied by her best friend in the 4th grade. They had been pretty much inseperable from kindergarten on. Their teachers actually called each one by the others name sometime because they were that close. My daughter (sophomore in high school) still does not know what happened. I asked the Mom (who I was friends with) what happened and her daughter never said….just said she didn’t want to talk to my daughter ever again and her Mom was fine with that….at age TEN! The girl then got everyone in their group to pick her “side” and left my daughter in a puddle of tears most days. In fifth and sixth grade it continued and my daughter started to be feel physically ill most days and would beg to stay home. Her hair started to fall out from the stress. To make a long story short, we ended up homeschooling her for 7th and 8th grade. There is a nearby church who has a big homeschooling program for junior and senior high so she took math, science, spanish, and english there. There were about 500 kids so she made some new friends who didn’t know about the drama between her and B. I watched as her stress level was reduced and it seemed her little soul was being repaired before my eyes. As we approached high school she asked to be open enrolled into a neighboring district so that she wouldn’t have to deal with that girl or everyone asking why she left. She wanted to go to football games, prom, etc and didn’t want to miss out on all the high school activities. She is in 10th grade now and absolutely loves going to school. I can tell that the bullying is still in the fringes of her mind which I hope makes her a better friend to others. The remnants of the bullying is almost like PTSD and I hope someday she can put it behind her forever. I have to drive her to and from school everyday now but I love that time in the car with her to process the day. I don’t have any words of wisdom for you other than to be the great Mom you already are to her. Having you be “present” like you are is probably the best gift you could give her. I can’t understand why girls do that to each other but unfortunately it seems like it goes on to some degree into adulthood. When I was in corporate america I couldn’t believe the backstabbing I saw go on between women…..it really made me sad because I would think we would try and support other women rather than actively plot against them.

Hang in there. I so appreciate your honesty on your blog. Lots of people can relate to the words you write and your authenticity is so refreshing. Merry Christmas to you!

By: Karen

Karen — Sat, 22 Dec 2018 11:17:02 +0000

I love your blog and learn so much from you. I am so sorry that your daughter is going through this. Mean girls seem powerful. I am 64 and still remember 7th grade as the most difficult year of my life. As a mother, I still feel upset over the treatment of my only daughter in 5th grade. Having a loving mother’s support makes all the difference in the long run. She is lucky to have you!

By: Barbara

Barbara — Sat, 22 Dec 2018 00:07:04 +0000

A must read: Queen Bees Wannabes. By Rosalind Wiseman
We had a book club at my daughters school. Some of the moms had no idea their daughters were the problem. Great book

By: Jenny

Jenny — Fri, 21 Dec 2018 19:35:07 +0000

In reply to AliJ. While my daughter has a phone, she is not allowed to have social media, so I'm holding off on that as long as possible. Social media seems to be a playground for bullying these days, and makes me even more thankful that we didn't have phones when we were teens. Thanks so much for sharing. While I hate to hear how prevalent it is, it's always helpful to hear how others deal with it. With her being my only girl, it's like I'm learning to parent all over again!